


stay alive, stay alive for me.

by widowsrogers



Series: Carol and Natasha One-Shot Series [1]
Category: Avengers: Endgame - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Carol Danvers Needs a Hug, Crying, F/F, First Kiss, Five Stages of Grief, For the Natasha groupchat, Forgive Me, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I love ya'll, Major character death - Freeform, Matter of Life and Death, Memories, Mild Smut, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Nora is a dumbass ayy lmao, Oh My God, One Shot, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Kill Me, Spoilers, Why Did I Write This?, angel!Natasha, carolnat, carolnat is endgame in endgame, carolnat rights, fuck thanos, i don't make the rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 21:04:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18724954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/widowsrogers/pseuds/widowsrogers
Summary: A figure suddenly stepped forward. It was Natasha, who was wearing a white dress and had wings. She was glowing in the dark, and she was the only one Carol could see in wherever the hell she was at."Hi, baby. Did you miss me?"Or-At the final battle of Avengers: Endgame, Carol is mourning the loss of Natasha and reliving memories as she fights Thanos...and one particular memory triggers something Carol will never, ever, forget.Contains spoilers. Read at your own risk!





	stay alive, stay alive for me.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so...there's really no valid explanation other than A, I'm grieving the loss of Natasha really, really, badly right now, and B, Carol and Natasha should have been in a relationship or at least friends or something. And C, the Natasha group chat on Twitter that enjoys my writing, so this is for that and for them. Oh, and D? #carolnat rights! That's all. Hope ya'll enjoy!
> 
> One more thing: the title comes from truce by twenty one pilots, my main inspiration for this story.

Pain. Everybody feels it differently. Physical pain in the body is typically signaled to the brain by the pain receptors in the skin, but what about emotional pain? What about the feeling of grief after losing someone you care about, either through a breakup or death? How does a human react to that?

 

 

 

Differently, of course. Every human is capable of reacting in a different way to losses, grief, and death. In a logical sense, the Kübler-Ross model of the five stages of grief explains denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. That going through these five stages would give the body peace of mind.

 

 

 

But what if you were not only feeling emotional pain but physical pain as well?

 

 

 

How would the body react to that?

 

 

 

For Carol Danvers, it was all the above.

 

 

 

Grief-stricken on the battlefield, she stood tall face to face with the man who killed her home, Thanos.

 

 

 

Not the home she lived in 20+ years ago with her best friend Maria, and her daughter Monica, but the home in the form of a red-headed beauty named Natasha Romanov. She was her other home, aside from Maria. And now, she was gone after sacrificing herself for the soul stone, to bring everyone back from the dead after this…this purple imbecile, took the one thing she loved the most away from her. Natasha.

 

 

 

The first time Carol and Natasha met, it was after Thanos had wiped out 50% of the universe via The Decimation. The snap. And Natasha, even in a state such as vulnerable as hers, treated her like a friend.

 

 

 

Throughout the five years, they have…had known each other, Carol found herself falling in love with her every time she’d manage to come back to Earth. They sparred with each other, opened themselves up to each other, and one night when Carol was leaving again, Natasha pulled her by the arm and kissed her, asking – pleading for her to stay, that she couldn’t do this alone, that she couldn’t lose her…home.

* * *

 

 

_“So…you’re leaving,” Natasha said as she stood in Carol’s doorway to her room. “Again.”_

 

 

 

_Carol looked up from her book at the voice, a sad smile on her face. “Yeah. Tonight, at midnight.”_

 

 

 

_Natasha stepped into Carol’s room. “You know it’s almost midnight, right? In about 30 minutes.”_

 

 

 

_“I know,” Carol put her book down. “I have to get ready to go. I, um…I’m sorry. About this and all that.”_

 

 

 

_“It’s okay,” Natasha’s voice cracked slightly. “You…you have to work to do. I can respect that.”_

 

 

 

_“Yeah,” Carol got up from her bed. “I wish…it was easier, and that I could stay longer, but…Nat?”_

 

 

 

Nat _asha hadn’t realized it, but she had let out a sob while Carol was talking._

 

 

 

_“Hey…what’s going on?” Unable to watch Natasha cry, Carol quickly walked over to the other woman and grabbed her shoulders._

 

 

_“Hormones,” Natasha replied, looking at Carol straight in the eyes. “I…uh, it’s that time of the month again.”_

 

 

_Carol inspected the other woman’s face and knew she was lying. “You’re a terrible liar, Nat.”_

 

 

 

_The woman in front of her let out a watery chuckle. “Am I really that obvious?”_

 

 

 

_“Yes,” Carol’s voice softened. “Now, please. Tell me what’s really going on.”_

 

 

 

_“I don’t want you to go,” At that statement, Carol dropped her hands from Natasha’s shoulders and turned to walk away._

 

 

_The guilt she felt was overwhelming. She didn’t want to leave either. “Carol!”_

 

 

_“This is my job, Natasha,” Carol turned around and faced her. “This is what I do. You know this.”_

 

 

_The way Natasha’s face fell at her first name, the one Carol used when she was angry, hurt Carol more than leaving ever would. “Yeah, but----“ Her sentence was cut short when Carol entered her closet to change into her uniform._

 

 

 

_Natasha’s lip trembled as the tears began to fall from her face. Walking with her head down, she face-planted on Carol’s pillow as her entire body began to shake with sobs. She didn’t want her to go. Not today, not ever. She needed Carol more than she knew, and she knew the woman felt the same way._

 

 

 

_Hearing footsteps step out of the closet, Natasha turned over on her back to see Carol dressed in her uniform, eyes filled with guilt as she stared at her. The other woman seemed to hate this as much as her, like she didn’t want to go, but had to, because all the other universes and planets needed Carol Danvers._

 

 

 

_“I’m sorry,” was all Carol could say as she stared at her friend’s miserable state. “I wish I could stay…with you.” Hearing that made Natasha lean up in Carol’s bed. “I…I have to go now, but you can walk me out.”_

 

 

 

_Natasha nodded weakly, getting up from Carol’s bed. “It’s okay,”_ **No, it’s not okay.** _“I understand.”_

 

 

 

_Carol was so close to her now that Natasha could kiss her._

 

 

 

_Wait, what?_

 

 

 

_Carol reached up, wiping the tears away from Natasha’s face. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise.”_

 

 

 

_As Carol walked past her, Natasha suddenly pulled her back by the arm and brought their lips together softly._

 

 

 

_Shocked, Carol didn’t know how to react. The girl she was in love with, Natasha Romanov, was kissing her. Yes, you heard that correctly. Carol Danvers was in love with Natasha Romanov and had been ever since they met two years ago. As Natasha continued to kiss her, Carol suddenly began kissing her back._

 

 

 

_“Stay,” Natasha’s voice was shaky as she broke the kiss gently. “Please. I…I can’t do this alone. I…I need you,” With a trembling hand, Natasha reached up and brushed a strand of Carol’s long blonde hair away from her face. “You’re…you’re the only person who has kept me stable for this long. I…you’re my home.”_

 

 

_All thoughts and missions were immediately out of the window as Carol cupped Natasha’s cheek. “You’re my home too,” Her gloved hand felt warm against Natasha’s skin. “The last person I said that to was my best friend, but you?” Carol paused. “You are my home. The one person I always want to come back to.”_

 

 

 

_“Carol…” Natasha began but was cut off by lips meeting her own._

 

 

_That night, she didn’t go. Of course, she had to go eventually, but not without a promise to Natasha._

* * *

 

 Carol’s fists glowed angrily in front of Thanos as the memory faded away. “You son of a bitch!” She hit him in the face with all the power she could muster. “It’s all your fault she’s dead! It’s all your FAULT!”

 

 

 

Thanos just chuckled, grabbing Carol’s arm. “She knew what she was getting herself into. But do you?”

 

 

 

Thanos threw her a few miles away and Carol groaned, landing face first in the dirt with an aching pain in her nose, followed by blue blood dripping out onto the dirt in front of her. God, she was exhausted.

 

 

 

With a battle cry, Carol forced herself up but quickly stopped when an intense pain hit her entire back. It was so strong, it forced her back down, and before she could fight back, Carol found her eyes closing.

* * *

 

_Carol’s back slammed against the wall as Natasha kissed her roughly, touching and grabbing at anything that was related to Carol Danvers. Carol moaned as Natasha grabbed her wrists and put them above her head as the two women continued to make out. So this is what happened when Natasha missed her…_

_Biting down on her lower lip, Natasha broke the kiss and grabbed Carol by her shirt, pulling her towards the bedroom. “You and me, Danvers.” Carol had a mischievous smirk on her face at Natasha’s statement._

_“Oh, I am so excited…” As the two women entered Natasha’s bedroom, Carol kicked the door shut behind them, before grabbing Natasha’s ass and squeezing it roughly, distracting her momentarily. “You see?”_

_Natasha being distracted bought Carol time to do what she wanted to do the moment she got back. Spinning her around, Carol began kissing the back of Natasha’s neck, making the other woman moan in pleasure. Sinking her teeth in Natasha’s neck, she heard the woman let out a moan louder than earlier._

_“Your clothes need to be off – now,” Natasha said, trying to gain some sort of control back. “I’m serious.”_

_Carol continued to kiss Natasha’s neck, before reaching her pulse point. “Why don’t you make me?”_

_The red-headed woman’s eyes darkened as she spun Carol around this time. “God…I missed your bedroom comments,” Natasha’s lips met Carol’s. “And I’m sure you missed mine, Miss Danvers.”_

_“Less talking, more fucking,” Carol demanded, and Natasha bit her lip, turned on by her girlfriend’s tone._

_With lips to hers, Natasha began to undress Carol slowly as the two slowly moved towards the bed. As they reached the bed, Carol was slammed down roughly onto it, making her groan as Natasha grinned._

_Carol’s shirt came off and Natasha took her shirt off as well, leaving them both on top of each other, half dressed. “I missed you so much…” Natasha said as she leaned down to connect their lips. “So, so, much.”_

_“I missed you too, baby,” Carol pressed a kiss to her lips. “All I could think about was fucking you – hard.”_

_Natasha leaned up and Carol did as well. “How about this? You take my bra off, I’ll take yours off. Then, you take my underwear…” Carol cut her off with a kiss, grabbing her throat as they kissed. “Off. Now.”_

_Carol reached over to unhook Natasha’s bra, but before she could, Natasha pulled her down onto her._

_“You dirty girl…” Carol’s hands found themselves inside of Natasha’s bra, touching her bare breasts as they kiss sensually. “Remember that one…the time when I fucked you under the table with my fingers?”_

_Reaching up, Natasha unhooked Carol’s bra, revealing her pink nipples. “Yeah…that was fun…” She put a nipple in her mouth, biting it and licking it gently. “But…I’m sure this will be more fun, baby girl…and uh!”_

 

 

 

_Anyone can guess what happened after that._

* * *

 

 “Carol…Carol…” She heard a familiar voice call out to her. “Come on, baby. You have to get up…it’s not your time yet.” Natasha? “Come on, baby. Please…please don’t join me. I don’t want you to be here…”

 

 

 

“Natasha…” Carol mumbled weakly. “Is…that you?”

 

 

 

“Yes. Yes, it’s me,” Carol heard her voice, but couldn’t see anything. “But I---I’m dead. I’m not there, baby.”

 

 

 

“Am…am I dead?” Carol asked her. “I mean…did I die? Or…did I…am I about to die or something?”

 

 

 

“You’re at a crossroads now. Between life and death,” Natasha answered. “So…yes, the path to death is open, but the path to living is open as well. And baby, please. Don’t die. Please. I need you to carry on.”

 

 

 

“Natasha…” Carol started to cry and thought her back would hurt as she did so, but it didn’t. “I miss you so much…I miss your smile, your laugh, your hair, your eyes, your love, our relationship. Everything.”

 

 

 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Natasha sounded sad. “I’m sorry. I had to do it. I had to bring everyone back, baby.”

 

 

 

“I miss you so much…” Carol continued to cry. “I miss you…I miss you…I miss you…please come back.”

 

 

 

“I can’t, baby. I can’t,” Natasha sounded on the verge of tears. “I’m dead. I can’t come back to you.”

 

 

 

“But…you’re my home,” Carol cried out. “You’re my home. You’re the one I choose. You’re my heart.”

 

 

 

A figure suddenly stepped forward. It was Natasha, who was wearing a white dress and had wings. She was glowing in the dark, and she was the only one Carol could see in wherever the hell she was at.

 

 

 

Carol was surprised that she could sit up when Natasha walked up to her. “Hi, baby. Did you miss me?”

 

 

 

Placing her hand over her mouth, Carol sobbed as she stared at the angel Natasha had transformed into.

 

 

 

“Are…are you really here?” Her fingers shook as she pointed at Natasha’s angelic form. “Is…is that you?”

 

 

 

“Yes, it’s me,” Natasha leaned down and touched Carol’s face. “You feel that? That’s my real skin.”

 

 

 

“How…but you’re dead,” Carol forced out weakly.

 

 

 

“I am. And while I cannot come back to you in real time, I can always be there in your heart,” Natasha put a hand on Carol’s chest. “And in your heart is me, protecting you from harm. Your guardian angel.”

 

 

 

Carol sat up and looked at her. “So what now? Natasha, please tell me how to defeat this monster.”

 

 

 

“You have to wake up, baby. You have to help the Avengers and the ones I’ve brought back. All of them. They need you, now more than ever,” Natasha cupped Carol’s cheek “Whatever happens, I am so proud of you. No matter if you win or lose today, baby, I will love you until your dying breath. And I’ll be here.”

 

 

 

Natasha leaned forward and pressed her lips against Carol’s. They were so real – so soft. It was her.

 

 

 

Carol began to kiss back passionately and pulled Natasha into her lap, kissing her with all her might.

 

 

 

Natasha broke the kiss. “Not yet, baby. You need to go and finish this – for me, okay? I love you, Carol Danvers.”

 

 

 

Carol stared into Natasha’s eyes. “I love you too, Natasha Romanov. And I will avenge you. I will.”

 

 

 

“Good,” Natasha got up and began to fade away from Carol’s eyesight. “Now, go. Win this for me.”

* * *

 

 Carol gasped, waking up in the same position she was in before. Attempting to force herself up, she groaned as she fell back down. Then, as if somebody forced her to get up, she suddenly found herself getting up on her feet, and this time, she didn’t fall down. And deep down, she knew it was Natasha.

 

 

 

Touching her lips, she felt them tingle. So Natasha had kissed her for real. Did that mean she was…alive?

 

 

 

Feeling the tears fall, Carol shook her head. Natasha wasn’t alive, but in her heart, she was – always.

 

 

 

_Now, go. Win this for me._

 

 

 

With that thought in her mind, Carol went into binary form and flew onto the battlefield.

 

 

 

_For Natasha._

 

_Whatever it takes._

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream at me on Twitter: @widowsrogers
> 
> I deserve it.
> 
> #carolnat RIGHTS!
> 
> One more thing: the title comes from Truce by twenty one pilots, my main inspiration for this story.


End file.
